Sunday, September 05, 2004
hehz...in charmaine's room right now...she's still sleeping....came back real late last nite man...abt 4 plus i think....
anyway...jon came over to my place yesterday afternoon to bring me the nicer mochi ice-cream frm springvale...heeez.. ;) so much nicer than the one i had the other day....thanks jon!
slacked ard while he helped me download this Ares program which is akin to Kazaa...so tat i can download stuff .. and a software to remove most of my pop-ups ...found like more than a hundred critical unwanted objects...oh man...viruses...
well, thanks to jon, most of them have been gotten rid of i think...
:}
anyway, sorry for insulting u so many times lah jon...hahahaha.....but u r my devil fren ma!!! hehehehheeh ;p
did abit of readings after he left, and fell asleep on my bed...heeee
woke up to realise tat ut was oredi 6:40 pm and called oaky immediately to confirm wad time their bbq is starting..its really nice of them to invite me over for their hsehold bbq...feel bad everytime i go over for dinner and stuff...hmmm...shall treat them one day when my bank account doesnt look as empty...
unfortunately, the weather wasnt ideal for bbq..rained after only abt 1/2 hr...haha...and we had to bring their coffee table downstairs to the bbq pit area and sat on newspps tat were laid on the floor...so fun! hahah...but the rainwater seeped in after a while and we had to bring everything upstairs...hahahhaha...so muc for bbq-ing ah...but it was fun!
but it did bring back memories of the 1st ever bbq we had in auz....the one for campaigning for our MUISS team - VOICE....more than 2 yrs oredi? time passes man.......... well, wadever happened has happened, and im not gonna brood over it anymore...have enuff of everything..cant change the past...so shall not think abt it anymore...like wad lai said, u cant change the past, but wad u do now can affect the future, so y not focus on the present...yepz, i totally agree...true, it hurts like hell right now..acknowledge my pain and move on in life man...i can wallow, but i do have to realise that life moves on..even without me...i cant remain stagnant at this stage in life...
going thru the process now is the worst ever thing in my life...i cant emphasis enuff the pain and hurt...i cant say nobody understands, but every experience is different...like wad alvina said, its nv the same...wad has happened has happened, i have to move on...its over and ITS OVER...if he is able to get over this fast and able to start afresh with another person..so be it...yes im utterly dissappointed...i dun understand how...i dun...seriously...but if he can do it...fine...im not gonna care anymore...
i have hurt myself umpteen times..so many tat im beginning to hate myself for doing so..i have treid and tats it..TATS IT MAN...the pain is enuff for anyone to bear oredi.. i have tried my best and yeah, tats my ultimatum...
sorry i cant still bring myself to see him...nope...i cant..i dunno when i can, and i dunno if i ever can..im looking forward to the day when it doesnt hurt anymore...when the pain is much more bearable...
im happy for those who are in a r/s now...those who are blissfully happy..thinking back.. i cant say i ve wasted my 2 yrs...but..but im foolish enuff to invest everything into it...i knew all along the disequilibrium....sigh...
forget it man...
i have suffered enuff pain...am trying my very best to heal the wounds .... dunno when i will fully recover..but i know i will...eventually...
well...well...well..
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going back to the bbq....had a mini bday celebration for chee seng back at SE...happy bday dude! :) josh came over a bit later and we decided to go down to city...so gerard, oaky, charms, josh and myself headed down to the city and went to a few places, in the hope of listening to some music and chill, but cos we arrived too late..so we missed the best parts...
anyway, went to hairy canary...this place at little collins...nice place to go with a small grp of frens and chill..and it closes late...at 3am..so ideal place to go if i feel bored..haha..
we felt 'packish' (correct?) and decided to head down to lygon noturnno ('where frens meet' hahahah) to have eggplant chips and normal 'golden and thick' chips...hehehz ..
chatted for a while before we came back hm...
and yeah, changed my return date to the 22nd nov....cant bear to leave my frens here who r graduating this yr end..sigh..cant imagine life here without them next yr...will sure catch up with them and take lots of pics b4 i leave melb in nov...
suggested to mum again for car...will certainly wanna work the next sem, and life is gonna be so much easier with a car ard...and byron is looking for a buyer for his car right now..perfect timing...hmmm..shall i , or shall i not.....? ACIL - where Ifti is working currently, and the co. tat im working for next week as a translator looks promising..shall ask ifti next week if they wld take in intern next yr...hehz..pull strings..its an intl'l consulting firm.....
oh well...
going clubbing 2nite at next blue....im sure it will be fun...josh is going with us gals, plus alvina's air-stewardesses frens...hehz...sure very pretty...damn...there goes my self-esteem...hahah...will ask jon to call later too...feel safer with guys ard...esp this period..when i dun even know if i can control myself in that kind of situation or not...
well...
but i still think its gonna be fun...
:)
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