Monday, September 13, 2004
It has been nearly 2 weeks since I last felt that urge.
That urge to cry / tear.
I am not afraid to acknoweledge my feelings and cry whenever the feeling comes back to me again. In fact, I am proud of the progress I have made so far. Yes, it still hurts. The pain. But I can certainly feel its intensity reducing by the day.
The feeling came back just now. For a while. And I teared.
Well...
Read "Who Moved My Cheese" at Borders 2 nights ago. There are so many things in the story that are so true. Yes, we are often paralysed by our own fear, and sometimes our ego.
"What will we do if we aren't afraid?"
True enough, I don't deny that I was very much afraid, in fact, terrified by the change. The change that has to bring me back to where I was in the beginning of this journey. The change that I thought I wouldn't be able to adapt to. The change that wld make me lose the things I treasure most.
I did not want to change. I was too comfortable with what I had, and I was scared to change.
But I have learnt that changes are inevitable in life. Whether you like it or not, things change. This is something I have known and aware of, but have never seriously consider the consequences of a real change that can happen in life.
Well, I have learnt that I reckon.
And yeah, our ego too. The ego which we have to satisfy to uphold our self-esteem. To make ourselves feel good. To make ourselves think that we can still be what we want to be, and that we can make what we want to happen happen.
Hah.
Wrong.
This is probably where our superego has to step in and take over. To give us a slap in the face and wake us up. Wake us up from a very bad dream. A nightmare, most probably. To make us realise that our ego will never be contented. And that we have to come to terms with what is happening and move on in life.
There is really no one who can help me except myself. And I am proud to say that, I have grown to be stronger and am handling my life pretty well right now.
I have also learnt to make friends with time. It is now a good fren of mine. Cos I have realised that the only other way I can get better and better each day is really dependent on it.
Melvin had mentioned to me before the quote "The sooner you let go of your old cheese, the sooner you will find new cheese".
Yes, indeed. I have let go of my old cheese, and am now wondering if I will ever meet the right cheese.
Oh well.
Life goes on ... and so do I.
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