Friday, July 01, 2005
emotions got hold of me, and i unleashed an outburst of frustration, grievance, vexation, peevishness and wadsoever. believe me, i have tried my very best to contain everything inside the fragile me, buti could not take it when the issue was being persisted and instigated. i was being really nice and resisted from blowing things out of proportion. you know it and you feel the effort. but just when i was to praise myself for not being so hot-headed, you worsen the situation and got my pulse beating really fast. i admit i have to bear half the responsibility. but gosh. i tried my very best you know. how many times must i tell you i don't mind if the situation is reversed. well, as long as im aware of it. as long as im informed. it doesn't bother me if you tell me one week beforehand, or one day, or even on the day itself. it can be an on-the-spot decision. i totally understand. and i believe no one would like to seek permission for the most absolutely normal things that they do. it may not seem like a question, but you certainly have all the right to express your disapproval. is it necessary to ask all the time when such a situation arises? sometimes its a little suffocating you know. i don't like this. who does? the days went pass extremely peaceful. no eruptions, no nothing. but once something like this happens, somehow, we always manage to let it go out of hands and escalate things to such an extent no one imagined in the very first place. why. not once, not twice, not thrice. tell me. in all honesty, how many times have this happened. such a small issue that should not even have warranted so much attention in the beginning. shouldn't time be spent more productively. doesn't that make things better, and make us feel better. not in the best of all moods lately. i hate to admit it, but i know i am suffering the consequences of my own deed. but please do not add to that burden. that bundle of emotions that can be so easily rocked and disturbed into something no one would like to see right now. being supportive when i need you to is not simply expressing your concern and telling me how you would not reprimand me for what i did wrong, but to know when it's the appropriate time to do the appropriate things, and when not to, and when to let go of the small stuff in life. dun fret over the smallest things in life. is that so unattainable. what is the crux of the problem here, someone please make known to me. i hate hate hate to go through all this. it's totally a waste of time and resources. well, a waste of brain cells too, when your mind can't help but to ponder and wonder why the hell what happened just happened. goddamit.
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